How Can I Stick to My Faith Without Alienating My Friends?
We've all felt it. The breath hitching hesitation when you realize that push might come to shove, and your beliefs come into tension with one of your relationships. Or a topic is raised in that class you hate where you have to participate that might force you to publicly out yourself as a Christian in an environment that, let's be real, is less than sympathetic. As Christians we are called to two things that can seem hard to reconcile at times: to stand firm in the faith and in truth, and to love people and show compassion. In a world that distorts identity and tolerance, walking this line feels nearly impossible. As a result, many well-meaning Christians end up either compromising on their convictions to preserve a relationship, or hurting someone they care about in an attempt to speak out in truth. Fortunately for us, this is not a new problem. The instructions for navigating situations like these can be summed up well in 1 Peter 3:15-16: "but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame." So, let's unpack that a little bit.
1. Always being prepared
As Christians making truth claims, we need to know our stuff. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ." I grew up in the Bible Belt and my freshman year of college was the first time anyone asked me a remotely difficult question about Christianity. I couldn't answer it. Obviously we won't have all the answers, but can you defend, or at least explain what you believe? That feeling of shying away that we often experience when faced with a question, or even the possibility of a question about our faith is due to the lack of trust in our own understanding of what we claim to live by. One way to ensure that these tougher conversations with friends go well is to make sure we ourselves are confident in what we are saying, and that we are representing Christ well and accurately, "rightly handling the word of truth" (2 Timothy 2:15).
2. Anyone who asks you
If you are living out your faith, there will probably come a point where one of your non-Christian friends or classmates asks you about it themselves, opening the door for a conversation (especially if you're already praying for them, wink wink). Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 5:14-16, “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." Make sure your friends know that you are someone they can come to with their questions, that your faith is not something that needs to be ignored or skirted around. If your conduct reflects this description Jesus put forth, this will create opportunities for the people in your life to feel comfortable having these conversations with you. Even classmates and others you come into contact with briefly will be able to see it. William J. Toms said it well: "Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some person ever reads."
3. Gentleness and respect
This is where tactfulness comes into play. We can spout apologetics all day long, but if there is no foundation of trust and mutual respect in the conversation or the relationship more broadly, you are not likely to make a lot of headway. These topics can often get people really emotional as they intersect with political and social issues that evoke a lot of passion. We need to strike the all-important balance of knowing what we believe and sticking with it (see point 1) and making sure our delivery is kind and loving. Philippians 4:5 says, “Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." Practically, this can look like listening before speaking, understanding where they are coming from, and making sure they know that any denial of ideas we hold as immoral is not a rejection of them personally. Remember, the goal is winning the person, not the argument.
4. Those who revile
Finally, simply know that it is a biblical reality that you will face opposition sometimes. Some people will be more inclined to antagonism than genuine conversation. In John 15:18-21 Jesus told his disciples, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me." Don't be discouraged if a conversation doesn't go well or you feel like it does but then nothing changes. We are wrestling with darkness and spiritual forces of evil (Ephesians 6:12). Pray for them! Remember that it is God who saves, and the joy for us is in the planting, watering, sometimes reaping, and leaving the rest to our Almighty God.
Emily Jones (UNC c/o 2025)